I get recognized a lot in this city.

When I meet new people, I'm no longer surprised when I hear, "Have we met before?" or "I think I've seen you somewhere."
Half the time I have the same question. 

I get recognized, but I don't feel seen.

I am always outside, but I don't put myself out there. 

A dear friend told me, "Even when you're looking at yourself, you don't see yourself."

My therapist told me, "You do realize you're a cool person, right?" when I told them I was nervous about a job application. A cool person. Me? 

Have you seen me? 

I do stand-up comedy.
I teach and play piano.
I write stories and lead writing workshops.
I am a friend to many in a city where friends are rare.
I'm curious
I'm a good listener 
I'm kind
I make mistakes 
I feel a lot of anxiety 
I'm grieving the hell out of life.

Have you seen me? 
I want to be here.
I used to be here. 

Sharing my stories.
Why did I stop?

Well, life got extremely difficult.

I have this thing where I want to be a published author. Recently I realized...I don't think it's about the book. I think it's about me. I am the story. As long as I am sharing myself, I am a successful author of my own life.

I think I've been doing that this whole time, while kicking myself for not having published a book. I've made so many beautiful connections in this life, and that is what is important to me. That is what makes me happy. I honestly don't care what format the art takes. I love too many of them.

Funny how it's only after I started practicing polyamory that it occurred to me that I'm polyamorous when it comes to art.

Writing, music, acting, comedy, dance, photography, video, pottery. And I'm not just a dabbler. I'm a ~lover boy~

I'm doing the Artist's Way, and the author talks about Artist's dates. So I've really been in a relationship with art this whole time. A situationship, more like. I'm so sorry to my artistic practice for the way I've been showing up in the relationship. I deserve better.

It's not like any of this is new. But I'm making new connections (in my brain). I'm seeing my life from new perspectives.

P.S. If you're receiving this in your inbox, you're a member of the Dream (free) tier. I've recently added two paid tiers for those who want to invest in the ideas that inspire you and ensure I can continue sharing my art/work. You can change tiers in your membership portal or make a one-time investment.

Wishing you a beautiful Sunday,

💌
Dera